Need to remodel the blog

This sucker is looking a bit too plain for me. Time to enlist the help of my friend who is really good at this stuff. Me...not so good. But I probably ought to learn it, huh?

To homeschool the 8yo or not...that is our question.

Today we had the spring parent/teacher conference for Jaysen. Josh and I had agreed at the beginning of 2010 when Jaysen's behavior issues began to escalate that we would make a firm decision whether to withdraw him after spring break or ride out the rest of the school year after the conference. Well, spring break is next week and we are no closer to a final decision than we were before. If anything, I'd say we are more confused than ever.

During the conference, I really felt the teacher was waffling a bit. He seemed like he genuinely cares about Jaysen and the problems he's having, but at the same time was covering his rear. Jaysen isn't exhibiting as many issues at school anymore, but at home he's having more and more problems. Jaysen is picking on his brother, teasing and taunting him. He's gotten downright mean and nasty with some of the things he says and does. We know it's mostly his frustrations and this is the only way he knows how to cope right now, but our concern is where is it coming from? We heavily monitor their TV, video games and movies for this type of stuff; so where is he learning it? Josh and I are sure beyond doubt that he's picking it up from school. Some of it, he's observing others doing. Some of it is being done to him. I can tell when it's something that's been done to him, those are the days when he doesn't want to talk about what has happened at school and he's particularly nasty to Joey. He's also getting pretty easily irritated with Katie.

The teacher also left me frustrated with his insistence that Jaysen inform him when kids are teasing and calling him names. Now, we agree that Jaysen needs to learn to handle things on his own as much as possible. But, there comes a time when a student can't handle it and needs a teacher or other adult to intervene or at least be informed of what is happening. I know Jaysen has been frustrated by trying to inform teachers and adults of what is happening and he has been blown off and told to deal with it himself. I wanted to see how the teacher would respond to our informing him that Jaysen is telling us of stuff going on at school, I had purposely not been letting the teacher know. So I guess it really doesn't surprise me of the teacher's reaction/response, but it still leaves me frustrated and confused. Is he really interested in helping Jaysen or is he just saying things to make us happy and give us a false reassurance that he will handle it? One thing, surprisingly, is that the teacher agreed that although socialization skills are important, one has to accept that there comes a time when you have to ask is the socialization detrimental or beneficial? And if it's detrimental, what exactly is the purpose of the student continuing in public school?

We also addressed an incident a couple weeks ago where Jaysen came home sobbing that he was treated badly by a substitute P.E. teacher. Jaysen said he was not feeling good and asked to sit down while running laps and the P.E. teacher insisted Jaysen had to keep going. Jaysen's classroom teacher agreed this wasn't acceptable for any student, but especially a student with developmental disabilities.

In the end, I think even Jaysen's teacher was beginning to see that continuing in public school may not be the best option for Jaysen. The social skills issues for Jaysen are much more complicated than his teacher was really willing to acknowledge and we all know it's only going to get worse as he gets older.

Jaysen's academics are coming along well, he's still struggling with reading but we expected that. Jaysen did get a big thumbs up for his math, seems Jaysen is pushing on ahead into mental math (figuring the problems out in his head without needing to write out the work) something that none of the other kids in class are able to do just yet. And doing it with large numbers, too! Good job Jay!!

There are 49 days of school left (not counting holidays and non-student days). On one hand, that's not that much. On the other hand, for Jaysen that is a lot of school left. Especially considering that every single day there is some new drama or issue to deal with. So, I guess we continue to pray about it and see what happens. Josh hadn't realized that our agreed deadline for a decision is pretty much here already and he's trying to stall for more time. But even I am not sure just what to do at this point, either.

We went into this conference hoping for some answers and confirmation for our decision one way or the other. We left even more confused and unsure of what to do than we were before.

Leaning on a friend can sometimes lead to a slap in the face

Some comments made to me by a "friend" left me feeling frustrated and misunderstood. I don't even know what exactly to say to this person. One would think I was brand new to being a mom of special needs kids. But after starting to write about it several times and having no way to keep from sounding snarky, I realize she helped me to actually feel more certain about myself in the end.

I have had so many people in my life compliment me on handling parenting the boys and doing a wonderful job. I've never once had anyone give me reason to believe I wasn't doing a good job of coping and dealing. I've even had people comment to me that I act like parenting the boys is no big deal. Well, to me it just isn't a big deal. They are just our boys and that's that.

So, when I read the comment from the "friend" that I should seek out other parents and see how they do it (parenting special needs kids), it just kinda floored me. To say I was shocked is putting it mildly. I still have moments where it's hard to reconcile in my mind that this person actually thinks I'm not dealing with things well and need advice from others after so many people have asked my advice.

Which leads me to what seems to have prompted all this. I have posted a few times on Facebook over the last few weeks about the stresses of having a very ill grandmother, having my mom fly off to be with grandma with just a couple days notice, Jaysen's progressing behavior issues and Josh's job situation. I felt comfortable doing so as I felt I could no longer handle the stress alone and needed to "voice" my frustrations and stress to my friends and family. After all, they've all been there for me, a constant source of encouragment and support. Except, of course, for this one particular person. Her comments have left me feeling she believes I'm complaining too much and not counting my blessings enough. Funny how just a few sentances seem to have given her a lifetime of insight into my life and my feelings.

I firmly believe in making the time to "let it all out". We can't possibly hold it all in, we'd explode, lol! And in my case, my explosion would be me saying some pretty horrific and regretful things to my wonderful husband and precious children. That's why I posted, to just blow off some steam. Even in the number of times I've started to write things here only to erase them in the end, it just felt good to get it all out of my system. Putting pen to paper just to throw the paper in the trash sometimes is just the type of therapy I need to feel better. I think things through, resolve how I feel about things, and I'm able to move on and put it behind me.

In the end, her comments helped me to make sure that I am not so judgemental about someone else, especially to their face. She had the best intentions. I see that and I'm grateful she cared enough to offer her thoughts. I just wish she had taken a moment to reread what she had written and pray about it. Maybe she would have seen that she was coming across the wrong way, that her tone was rather judgemental. Maybe she would have stopped to think she was making some pretty broad assumptions she shouldn't make without more information.

I just know that a simple "hey, I know you are going through a rough time and if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. I'm praying for you and love you." is much more thoughtful and helpful than inappropriate advice.

A brand new road

As of November 1st, Josh and I have decided the time has come to start homeschooling our children. For now, it's only Joey. Jaysen is doing well in public school, has an excellent teacher, so he is staying there for now. Joey had so many issues happening at public school that we felt he needed to be at home.

We actually had begun the process of researching curriculum a couple months before we officially withdrew Joey. I narrowed down some choices and began making some purchases. It's trial and error in the world of curriculum choices, pick something that best appears to match your goals and beliefs and give it a try. If it doesn't work, find something else.

We have a base curriculum with some additional options we use. I continue to research other choices as we will have another child next year when we bring Jaysen home and I'm not convinced our current choice is going to be the best fit for him. Jaysen needs more challenging work than Joey does.

Josh and I are splitting the subjects up according to our individual strengths and weaknesses. I will focus on english, history, social studies, reading and writing. Josh will focus on math, science, music and art. We will both teach Bible and health.

Joey isn't the easiest student to teach. He has learned a lot of naughty little habits to avoid the work he isn't wild about and is using them all. Out of 4 weeks, we've had 1 excellent day. I know better than to expect perfection, but it's frustrating all the same. He's stubborn, strong-willed, defiant and belligerant. In other words, he is his mother's son. And yes, my face is rosy-red with embarrasement.

The biggest part of my teaching is learning how my son learns and what he knows. Joey is much brighter and smarter than he has let on at public school. He knows a lot, but his willingness to show what he knows is based in part on what he thinks he'll get in return. The more rewards available, the more willing he is to show his stuff.

Joey had led his public school teachers to believe he doesn't know how to count beyond 5 and doesn't recognize numbers. Just today I saw beyond doubt that Joey indeed can count well beyond 5 and recognizes his number up to number 6. But the second he gets bored with the lesson and would rather do something else, he starts "forgetting" and "doesn't know" anymore. Daily lessons in patience for mommy.

I also need to get out of the internal pressure to teach him like he was taught at school. To stop thinking "now what did the do at school" and compare it what I'm doing at home. Obviously, what was being taught at school wasn't working so why am I trying to continue doing it at home? And so what if what I teach at home doesn't resemble what he was taught at school? As long as he learns it, isn't that what matters in the end? Isn't that the goal, that he learn basic skills?

I need to keep in mind what my good friend and teaching mentor has told me "as long as he learns it, it doesn't matter what you do to get him there." Even Jaysen's school teacher has said the same thing for Jaysen. As long as it works, who cares? There's no "right way" or "wrong way" to teach, it's all teaching in the end.

I do worry if I'm doing enough and doing it right. But isn't that what most all parents worry about whether or not they choose to homeschool? Homeschool is just one component, in all things all we can do for our kids is to do our best to teach them in all aspects of life and pray for God's guidance and wisdom. We do our best and pray we've given them the tools they will need in life.

My best, it's all I have to give.

Icky weather!

I'm so not looking forward to this weekend. The icky weather is on it's way. We woke up to frozen rain and icy roads. Josh was calling me early to warn me to leave myself extra time to drive in the mess. Thankfully by the time I was ready to take Jaysen to school, the roads were beginning to clear up and it wasn't bad at all. But a good warm-up for winter driving. We may get as much as 8" of snow by Sunday then we are getting hit with an artic blast! Starting Sunday, highs in the teens, lows in the single digits and maybe even below zero. Not happy at all! I can handle snow, that's the easy stuff to drive in. The ice is what I can't stand, especially when the snow melts a little then refreezes mixed with ice, ugh!

I'm debating whether to keep the boys home from school on the worst days. One, I don't want to drive in that stuff which I will have to to get Jaysen to school. Two, I really don't like them being outside for even a couple minutes in that bitter cold. That's the kind of weather where you don't have to be out for very long and you're risking frostbite. I have to remember to get all the winter stuff out of the closets. It's also going to mean getting up earlier to have time to get everyone bundled up before leaving for school. At least I get to bust out Katie's cute little Winnie the Pooh snowsuit, mom's been waiting for the weather to turn so we can use it.

Well, I have 6 more windows to winterize (covering the glass with heavy plastic and duct tape) before the cold hits. I never knew before moving up here just how much the smell of duct tape reeks!! LOL!!

Here we go!

A new blog, yay! Look at it all blank there, just waiting for me to fill it up with my weird and twisted thoughts, lol. I like to blog, it helps me keep my thoughts from getting confused, kinda like the pensieve in Harry Potter. It's my sanity saver.

I guess I'll start with why I chose to title it Just Outside of Ordinary. Because I feel that's exactly what my life is. It's not extraordinary, but it's not just ordinary either. It's different, thanks to my kids and my husband.

First of all, my kids are unique. I guess all parents feel that way. My 8yo son has down syndrome and is the funniest, stubbornest kid you've ever met! My 7yo son has high-functioning autism and can be the neatest, most frustrating child. My 3mo daughter is a girl, nuff said, lol!

My husband is truly amazing. His ability to put up with sheer crap between his boss, me and the kids is just beyond understanding. He puts up with a lot, but he's still here and he's still pushing through. He works well over 60 hours/week and on top of that he's started back in to his ministry studies. He feels his calling is to be a youth pastor. Well, he's getting some practice as his job entails working with mostly teenagers. Infinite patience, that is the key I believe. With God's blessing, I will go from being a pizza wife to being a pastor's wife. He's also a very talented musician who has a passion for customizing guitars. He likes to tinker with his guitars as much as he likes to play them.

I love them all and despite all the challenges my family faces, I wouldn't trade it for anything. This is my life, I chose it and I've never regretted my decision. God led me down this road and I can't wait to see what's around the bend.