Some comments made to me by a "friend" left me feeling frustrated and misunderstood. I don't even know what exactly to say to this person. One would think I was brand new to being a mom of special needs kids. But after starting to write about it several times and having no way to keep from sounding snarky, I realize she helped me to actually feel more certain about myself in the end.
I have had so many people in my life compliment me on handling parenting the boys and doing a wonderful job. I've never once had anyone give me reason to believe I wasn't doing a good job of coping and dealing. I've even had people comment to me that I act like parenting the boys is no big deal. Well, to me it just isn't a big deal. They are just our boys and that's that.
So, when I read the comment from the "friend" that I should seek out other parents and see how they do it (parenting special needs kids), it just kinda floored me. To say I was shocked is putting it mildly. I still have moments where it's hard to reconcile in my mind that this person actually thinks I'm not dealing with things well and need advice from others after so many people have asked my advice.
Which leads me to what seems to have prompted all this. I have posted a few times on Facebook over the last few weeks about the stresses of having a very ill grandmother, having my mom fly off to be with grandma with just a couple days notice, Jaysen's progressing behavior issues and Josh's job situation. I felt comfortable doing so as I felt I could no longer handle the stress alone and needed to "voice" my frustrations and stress to my friends and family. After all, they've all been there for me, a constant source of encouragment and support. Except, of course, for this one particular person. Her comments have left me feeling she believes I'm complaining too much and not counting my blessings enough. Funny how just a few sentances seem to have given her a lifetime of insight into my life and my feelings.
I firmly believe in making the time to "let it all out". We can't possibly hold it all in, we'd explode, lol! And in my case, my explosion would be me saying some pretty horrific and regretful things to my wonderful husband and precious children. That's why I posted, to just blow off some steam. Even in the number of times I've started to write things here only to erase them in the end, it just felt good to get it all out of my system. Putting pen to paper just to throw the paper in the trash sometimes is just the type of therapy I need to feel better. I think things through, resolve how I feel about things, and I'm able to move on and put it behind me.
In the end, her comments helped me to make sure that I am not so judgemental about someone else, especially to their face. She had the best intentions. I see that and I'm grateful she cared enough to offer her thoughts. I just wish she had taken a moment to reread what she had written and pray about it. Maybe she would have seen that she was coming across the wrong way, that her tone was rather judgemental. Maybe she would have stopped to think she was making some pretty broad assumptions she shouldn't make without more information.
I just know that a simple "hey, I know you are going through a rough time and if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. I'm praying for you and love you." is much more thoughtful and helpful than inappropriate advice.